Engender trust and respect in a relationship

How To Engender Trust Within Your Organization | Client First

engender trust and respect in a relationship

Here Are 4 Ways to Develop a Culture of Respect and Trust. Next Communication is at the core of human relationships, and it should be no. If you respect someone, does that also mean that you can trust them? (C) that one of the two (say A) also has a trust and respect relationship with. and demeanour and an approach that can engender trust and respect. Think about it this way: When trust is low, in a company or in a relationship, it places a Engendering trust is, in fact, a competency that can be learned, applied, and Talk Straight needs to be balanced by Demonstrate Respect) and that any.

As noted in Chapter 2, Lincoln was a legendary storyteller, and he also knew that many of the stories credited to him were not of his creation much like today's aphorisms credited to Yogi Berra, such as "When you see the fork in the road, take it! Lincoln even made light of the famous remark inaccurately attributed to him about finding out the brand of whiskey Grant preferred and sending a bottle to the other generals.

Lincoln simply indicated that attributing the remark to him added credibility to the story Burlingame,Vol. Phillips shares a wonderful anecdote Lincoln told about the hypocrisy of individuals who behave inappropriately and then criticize others for similar behavior. Lincoln's story is of the criminal who assaulted an innocent bystander: The criminal drew his revolver, but the assaulted party made a sudden spring and wrested the weapon from the hands of the would-be assassin.

Throughout his life, he suffered from bouts of depression, called "hypo" at that time Shenk, The loss of a mother and a sister early in his life, the loss of two of his children, the harshness of frontier life, witnessing the cruelty of slavery, political defeats, and the Civil War could have destroyed any person.

Humor was a lifeline for Lincoln. He once complained about a cabinet member who had little regard for light witticism, stating that "it required a surgical operation to get a joke into his head.

A reason for the close bond between Lincoln and Secretary of State Seward was their mutual love of engaging conversation and a good joke. One evening during a dinner party at Seward's home, Lincoln's wit, humility, and frustration with the progress of the Army of the Potomac all converged when a guest complained about how difficult it was for him to secure a pass to visit Richmond, Virginia.

Lincoln responded, "Well, I would be very happy to oblige you, if my passes were respected: As we reflect on Lincoln's character, based on the historical events, his words, stories, and wit, a portrait can be drawn that supports the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Words without character are meaningless. Wilsonin his exhaustive analysis of Lincoln's words, in the end looks to Aristotle to explain Lincoln's success: It is not true that the personal goodness revealed by the speaker contributes nothing to his power of persuasion; on the contrary, his character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion he possesses.

The Complete Works of Aristotle,quoted in Wilson,p.

engender trust and respect in a relationship

Implications for School Leaders This chapter addresses intangibles: The power of these intangibles, which Lincoln so adeptly portrayed, has influenced leaders in profound ways throughout history. In fact, because of these characteristics, Lincoln's spirit has transcended time and still looms large in our conception of leadership. Seeking to explain this greatness, the foreword to Time magazine's bicentennial celebration issue on Lincoln succinctly states, "Abraham Lincoln is the archetypal American, because his extraordinary moral compass revolved around an ordinary life" Knauer,p.

This observation reminds us that much of the school leader's work involves intangibles that others use to define that leader. These are often attributes that others "feel" or "perceive" and that influence opinions of the school leader and the assessment of whether that person's actions are characterized by integrity.

If they are, respect and trust are earned. The qualities we often attribute to someone whose behavior is governed by a moral compass are "kindness, sensitivity, compassion, honesty, and empathy, [which] can also be impressive political resources" Goodwin,p. Personal example is a powerful tool for school leaders. Reflect upon what you do as a leader at the beginning of the day. Are you greeting students as they get off the bus?

Handing out breakfasts and networking with staff and students? Where do people find you in the middle of the day? Are you walking through classrooms? What about the end of the day? Your behavior is observed and your example interpreted by organizational members—always.

As University of Wisconsin Professor Kent Peterson reminds us, "What you pay attention to communicates what you value. What you talk about in the hallways and on campus, for example, with students, staff, and parents, communicates volumes.

engender trust and respect in a relationship

One superintendent reflected, "I always try to greet people by name, or if I don't know the name, at least try to greet them with a warm 'hello' and 'how is your day going?

I mean to communicate, by example, that making a personal connection, coupled with an academic focus, will cause learning to soar. Hopefully, others will follow by example. For example, during the teacher observation and conferencing phases, teachers need to believe that they can frankly discuss what is working in their classroom and take risks by trying out new strategies when teaching during observations to improve their practice.

If teachers believe that principals will be overly critical of their performance, teachers are unlikely to go beyond their comfort level during a lesson, especially if they perceive that little margin for error exists. Similarly, parents often wish to speak with the principal about a family situation, such as divorce or terminal illness, that may affect a student's behavior in the classroom. They want the principal to be understanding, respectful, and accessible.

Both the observation process and the parent meeting will go much more smoothly, and be more effective, if trust exists. But what does trust entail? And why is it so critical? After conducting a longitudinal study of Chicago school reforms involving schools, Bryk and Schneider noted, "When school professionals trust one another and sense support from parents, they feel safe to experiment with new practices" p.

Bryk and Schneider conclude that when "relational trust" is high, schools are more likely to make the changes that will help raise student achievement. The researchers found that four "vital signs" help to create the conditions that foster relational trust: Do staff members, parents, students, and community members acknowledge one another's dignity and ideas?

Do organizational members treat one another in a courteous way during interactions? Do staff members and others in the larger school community care about one another personally and professionally? Are individuals willing to extend themselves beyond the formal requirements of the job or union contract? Competency in Core Role Responsibilities. Do staff members, parents, and community members believe in one another's ability and willingness to fulfill role responsibilities effectively?

Can staff, parents, and school community members trust others to keep their word? Is there trust that the interests of children their education and welfare will be put first, even when tough decisions have to be made? Based on the work of Bryk and Schneider. School leaders can look for evidence of these "vital signs" among staff and between principal and staff, as well as parents, as a guide for next steps. Bryk and Schneider conclude: Principals' actions play a key role in developing and sustaining relational trust.

Principals establish both respect and personal regard when they acknowledge the vulnerabilities of others, actively listen to their concerns, and eschew arbitrary actions. Effective principals couple these behaviors with a compelling school vision and behavior that clearly seeks to advance the vision.

This consistency between words and action affirms their personal integrity. Then, if the principal competently manages day-to-day school affairs, an overall ethos conducive to the formation of trust will emerge. When a leader's behavior is predictable, organizational members can count on a soothing consistency. For example, they know that walk-through visits are growth oriented and not evaluative—always. Reliability promotes trust because organizational members know they can count on the school leader to do as she says—to follow through.

Finally, reciprocity builds trust because the leader vows to work just as hard in the leader's role as organizational members work in theirs. Humility, another quality that engenders trust, is a characteristic of individuals who recognize that their triumphs rest upon the help and support of others.

The premise, underscored by today's emphasis on professional learning communities, is that we cannot succeed in schools as isolated professionals. Reiterating this notion, a teacher leader reflected, "In our school, we believe that the interdependence among faculty members is the connective tissue that fuels our capacity to serve kids. We are always saying, 'Share the burden, give the credit' as a way of acknowledging the tremendous talent bank here that helps us amass the results that we do!

Together we are better than alone. One strategy that school leaders can use to promote humility—besides modeling it themselves—is to encourage members of a professional learning community to engage in storytelling about individuals and teams within the school whose efforts make a difference in the achievements and ultimately the life paths of students.

Phillips addresses Lincoln's character by citing his behavior and what we know about successful business organizations and their leaders: The architecture of leadership, all the theories and guidelines, falls apart without honesty and integrity.

It's the keystone that holds organizations together. Tom Peters reported in his research that the best, most aggressive, and successful organizations were the ones that stressed integrity and trust. Zenger and Folkman's research conclusions about the top 10 percent of leaders are based on data from more thanworkers who rated more than 25, leaders. The conventional wisdom is that a lack of integrity or honesty is the classic fatal flaw.

Indeed, we still believe that to be true. When people talk of the qualities they most admire, the most frequently noted characteristics are honesty, integrity, being a "straight shooter," saying what you really think, and never fudging the truth to please the group you are with. In addition, Zenger and Folkman's leadership research and analysis demonstrates that a lack of emotional intelligence may be related to what they call "Five Fatal Flaws": Inability to learn from mistakes.

Lack of core interpersonal skills and competencies. Lack of openness to new or different ideas. His example models the way for school leaders. Lincoln's well-documented use of language, anecdotes, and story invited audiences from all walks of life to engage with him. School leaders who are new to an organization have unique opportunities to connect with staff and the larger community through both deeds aligning actions with words and oral and written communication.

The challenge, of course, is to select the words that humbly put one's ambitions—for example, developing a positive, collaborative, learning-focused school—in plain view of the constituents who will potentially benefit from that ambition. Storytelling and anecdotes are a vivid way to emotionally connect and communicate with an audience.

School leaders who have a "library" of such stories can pull out, at a moment's notice, a story or an anecdote that fits with the emotional tone of a situation. For instance, at the end of the school year, Harvey Alvy, then principal of the American Embassy School in New Delhi, was approached by a 1st grader who said, "Dr.

Build your relationships on the solid ground of TRUST

Alvy, at the beginning of the year I didn't like you very much. But now, I like you better than my dog! It was shared as a tribute to the work that the staff had accomplished in making the school "a home for the heart and the mind. As a public figure, Lincoln rarely missed an opportunity to share sacred national values such as the pursuit of liberty and the proposition that guaranteed equality to all.

Phillips stresses that Lincoln embodied the values of the nation: This was illustrated clearly when Lincoln was traveling to Washington, D. Lincoln stopped at Independence Hall in Pennsylvania on February 22 and stated I am filled with deep emotion at finding myself standing here in the place where were collected together the wisdom, the patriotism, the devotion to principle, from which sprang the institutions under which we live All the political sentiments I entertain have been drawn, so far as I have been able to draw them, from the sentiments which originated, and were given to the world from this hall in which we stand.

I have never had a feeling politically that did not spring from the sentiments embodied in the Declaration of Independence It was that which gave promise that in due time the weights should be lifted from the shoulders of all men, and that all should have an equal chance. Throughout the writings about Lincoln's life there is a well-documented use of humor. Humor releases endorphins, substances in the brain that produce feelings of well-being.

Laughter, it has been said, puts people in a "limbic lock"—the closest distance between two brains. Engendering trust is, in fact, a competency that can be learned, applied, and understood. It is something that you can get good at, something you can measure and improve, something for which you can "move the needle.

As Warren Bennis put it, "Leadership without mutual trust is a contradiction in terms. The first job of any leader is to inspire trust. Trust is confidence born of two dimensions: Character includes your integrity, motive, and intent with people. Competence includes your capabilities, skills, results, and track record. Both dimensions are vital. With the increasing focus on ethics in our society, the character side of trust is fast becoming the price of entry in the new global economy.

You might think a person is sincere, even honest, but you won't trust that person fully if he or she doesn't get results. And the opposite is true. A person might have great skills and talents and a good track record, but if he or she is not honest, you're not going to trust that person either.

The best leaders begin by framing trust in economic terms for their companies. When an organization recognizes that it has low trust, huge economic consequences can be expected. Everything will take longer and everything will cost more because of the steps organizations will need to take to compensate for their lack of trust.

  • How To Engender Trust Within Your Organization
  • Chapter 4. Engendering Trust, Loyalty, and Respect Through Humility, Humor, and Personal Example

These costs can be quantified and, when they are, suddenly leaders recognize how low trust is not merely a social issue, but that it is an economic matter. The dividends of high trust can be similarly quantified, enabling leaders to make a compelling business case for trust.

The best leaders then focus on making the creation of trust an explicit objective. It must become like any other goal that is focused on, measured, and improved. It must be communicated that trust matters to management and leadership.

It must be expressed that it is the right thing to do and it is the economic thing to do. One of the best ways to do this is to make an initial baseline measurement of organizational trust and then to track improvements over time.

The true transformation starts with building credibility at the personal level.

Engendering Trust, Loyalty, and Respect Through Humility, Humor, and Personal Example

The foundation of trust is your own credibility, and it can be a real differentiator for any leader. A person's reputation is a direct reflection of their credibility, and it precedes them in any interactions or negotiations they might have. There are 4 Cores of Credibility, and it's about all 4 Cores working in tandem: Integrity, Intent, Capabilities, and Results.