Resolving conflicts and disagreements in a relationship

resolving conflicts and disagreements in a relationship

Conflict can damage, but only if you allow it to. By using it as an opportunity to prove your commitment, you can grow your relationship to the next level. This post is about the inability to resolve conflicts when what's really “in conflict” is never clearly identified. I'll focus on matters that seem to get. Disagreements happen--what's important is knowing how to deal with them. In every relationship, personal or professional, there will always be I've found that the best way to begin resolving a disagreement is to look for.

resolving conflicts and disagreements in a relationship

Why fall back on negative patterns instead of working to actually fix the communication issues at hand? How to establish new habits You must want to be constructive to make it happen, especially if you need to overcome your own hurt feelings to figure out how to fix your relationship.

Conflict Resolution |

You may have a wonderful store of knowledge, skills and tools, but if you lack the intention to use them, the point is moot. We have a tendency of retaliating and responding to hostility with more hostility, which creates a vicious cycle that amplifies and escalates the negativity of a conflict.

resolving conflicts and disagreements in a relationship

This is called the retaliatory spiral, and it can cause a relationship to wither and, eventually, end. Years ago, Tony Robbins would take a two-lane isolated highway lined only by power line posts at 10—20 yard intervals. One of these, along a particular snake-like section of the road, seemed to be perpetually decorated by flowers, candles and photographs memorializing and honoring the lives of traffic victims who had hit the post.

With so much space on either side of the post, it was amazing how many people had died or been injured hitting it. But, our focus determines our direction.

How to Fight: 10 Rules of Relationship Conflict Resolution

By changing our focus, we can change the result. The lesson applies to your relationship. That is, envision yourself communicating well with your partner. The two of you are fulfilled and happy with one another, and have the tools you need to create a beautiful, passionate, long-lasting relationship.

resolving conflicts and disagreements in a relationship

Where focus goes, energy flows. By switching perspective and focus, you can turn a conflict from something bad into an opportunity to take your relationship to the next level. This demands intent, which you set ahead of time and practice in the moment. You learn to respond not with escalation, but with constructive steps that shore up the foundation of your relationship.

Turn conflict into something positive Break the pattern of hostility and give the conflict positive energy. Why would you want your partner, the person you love, to lose? When you accept that there are no losers in love, and that you want to win together, you can get down to focusing on letting go of petty arguments and embracing healthy communication.

Conflicts are opportunities for you and your partners to align on values and outcomes. They are chances to understand, appreciate, and embrace differences. These experiences and emotions can be uncomfortable, but if we always opt for comfort then we can never grow.

resolving conflicts and disagreements in a relationship

Use humor to diffuse the situation If you find yourself in a retaliatory spiral, a good tactic is to use humor to break the pattern. If you feel an argument escalating, take a moment to derail it. Try to argue talking like Christopher Walken or William Shatner. Sing a song that makes your partner laugh. Make the conflict ridiculous. You see an older couple.

resolving conflicts and disagreements in a relationship

Some couples would have turned the situation into an argument, but by using humor to nip the retaliatory spiral in the bud this husband and wife seized the moment and turned it into an opportunity to laugh and love. People rarely get upset for no reason, so there is a good chance that there is at least a kernel of truth to what they are saying. Don't speak in generalities of another person's behavior; speak only to direct examples and instances of action.

It's hard for anyone to own up to a generalization and so you'll likely just see his or her defensiveness activate. By isolating an instance of fact, everyone can quickly see where he or she was right and wrong. Always work to be the first to apologize when any dispute arises. Although the idea of waiting for the other person to apologize first seems vindicating, it's actually a guaranteed sign of how you care more about being right than in coming to a reconciliation. Focus on trying to discover what's right, not who is right.

How to Fight: 10 Rules of Relationship Conflict Resolution | HuffPost Life

When thinking about what happened, try to remove yourself from the situation and evaluate right and wrong based solely on the actions that took place regardless of which side you're on.

Treat it as if you are refereeing someone else's game. Exaggerated language is often proof of an exaggerated understanding of what actually happened. If you swear, the other party is likely to only hear the expletives and will stop listening for any validity in what you're saying.

Belittling a person always shifts the focus off of resolving the actual problem.

How to reduce conflict and build better relationships

Verbal abuse is never welcome to a conflict resolution party. Remind yourself the other person also cares about reconciling the relationship. One of the fundamental causes of many disagreements is feeling hurt that the other person is no longer considering your perspective, but if they didn't care about a resolution with you they wouldn't be fighting for one.

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Remind yourself to never expect the other person to fill a hole in your life that only God can fill.