making a move toward commitment — it's usually because he is compartmentalizing his relationship with her. There's a mental box inside his. Does being too compartmentalized run the risk of being cut off from people and from the Does Too Much Compartmentalization Risk Disconnecting You From People? .. Research Shows One Skill Can Keep Your Relationship Happy. Self-deception is a psychological mechanism that is the root of addictive behaviors. Learning about cognitive dissonance is the first step for treatment.
Are you a man or woman who compartmentalizes? Are men who are unable to compartmentalize lesser men than those who can?
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly of a Man’s Ability to Compartmentalize
The Good about Compartmentalize: In my career, the ability to keep what is business, and what is personal, personal, has been invaluable. It enables your ability to build solid relationships and contacts without the burden of the souring of those relationships affecting business. These sorts of people are almost impossible to do business with. And any unfortunate career missteps or miscalculations do not have the blamed on a budding relationship. Too often, men who bring home the stress of their careers allow that stress to seep into the pores and fibers of an otherwise wonderful relationship- ruining it.
They blame their wives, girlfriends or even children for their inability to be the people they want to be when really, the blame belongs on their inability to separate their work from their love. The ability to compartmentalize also shows itself to be a not so positive character trait in many ways. Me on the other hand, I can watch football all day long, knowing the whole time that I have a blog post I need to get done before the night is over. It gets even worse when you start procrastinating about doing the things you need to do to keep a romantic endeavor growing healthily.
While to others, you are the villainous knave who seems to have made it your personal mission to ruin their lives. Do you ever find it difficult to appreciate the struggles of others?
And how about having a slight case of multiple personality disorder? The problem is, when we do this, we often have no regard for the impact it has on the women who come to know us during these spats of emotional unavailability. The ability to compartmentalize can be cancer to a relationship.
Sometimes we get so accustomed to compartmentalizing that we end up pushing people away, not letting anyone in, or not allowing ourselves to fall for people we should fall for. So I sit here as the eternal fiancee while he gets all the benefits of having a wife, and I have none of the certainty that he will ever follow through and make it legal. He is currently visiting his home country, and I am feeling more compartmentalized than ever.
Last night was his birthday, and his friend gave him an epic party that lasted nearly 18 hours. In all that time, he never tried to call me, message me, or let me know that everything was okay his country has political unrest so the threat of kidnapping is very real. When I finally called him, he picked up the phone and acted like everything was normal.
Normally we talk every few hours everyday because we are both self-employed and have the freedom to do that. But when he is with his friends, with his family, or doing some other activity, I am just set to the side until he needs me again.
Narcissists & the Compartmentalized Life
He doesnt help at all with housework and is extremely jealous of me having any other relationships cultural or?? Is there any hope for me ever feeling peaceful and stable in this relationship? Allegra October 24, at 7: It was…well, you know.
My life as I know it is crumbling independently of him. And me about once a week, or when he goes away. In my heart of hearts I know I deserve better. Your post says it all. And yes, you absolutely deserve better. Sure, he may be a distraction from everything else going on but pretty soon, if you are not careful, suddenly you will realize that he is the ENTIRE problem.
And dare I say your description of his occupation…well, reason enough to leave, sister. It will only cause you pain. I was an army wife for seven years and his job was exactly as you say of yours and it was hell on earth. If you ever want to talk about it, book some talk time with me.
Thank you for reading and I am here to support you…. Zari xo March 11, at 1: I have research a whole lot on narcissism but these two articles where extremely clarifying. I was with him over nine years and all this while he kept me a secret from his ex-wife and child, claiming she was so crazy that it was the only way until the child was eighteen and I bought in.
I am presuming his ex-wife was probably so hurt and resentful it may have caused here to be as vindictive as she was, she would refuse for him to introduce the child or have the child over night. I am presuming she had such a horrible time with his previous affairs and how he left her when the baby was only weeks old it left deep scars. He would go on exotic holiday with them and claim he had to. He discharged of me the moment I sent his ex-wife a very polite email explaining the reality that he had re-married and suggested that she move on with her life too.
I was at the breaking point and before yet another holiday with the ex-wife and child where Iw as excluded. Presuming, at that point, I destroyed his compartmentalized life and thus was no longer useful as narcissistic supply. He also never wanted me to work and I did belive we would be together forever. He claimed he would not date, even if we where not together before the child was eighteen. Once I was out and the child in, he started to warm up to me again giving me hope, wound come over to my new apartment for drinks, started calling daily to talk about him of course similar to what he probably did with his ex-wife.
I left for a trip to see family and later found out he had an affair with a transgender. A day before leaving on my trip he asked if i could stay with him, a few days later he had the transgender over I saw the photos from our bedroom and then proceeded to take this person on a very expensive luxury trip on our account. Similar to what he did to me when we first met and what he also did to the girlfriend before me.
- Narcissists & the Compartmentalized Life (Part 1/2)
Presuming these trips are this way of capturing new narcissistic- supply. He even had me buy his sister a air ticket to come care for the child while he was going on this trip.
Obviously he did not tell me he was going with someone. This is longer then I planned. Hope it can help other reader in the same situation. It is hard to realize that love was only something you gave and to a person incapable of returning those feeling to anyone but it is also helpful in realizing it and that no one should use their life with someone not capable of loving.
Man's Ability to Compartmentalize - The Good, Bad and Ugly | SBM
In the end its very, very sad for a narcissist and the winner is always going to be the one that has the emotional register of loving and caring for others, that is what gives meaning to life. March 18, at 5: You are so spot-in in how you now view the relationship between him and ex. YES, he absolutely did all those things, made her feel a certain way, manipulated and controlled the situation to his benefit…just as he has done with you and will do with everyone else he encounters until the day he dies.
LOL Better to live our lives and make the most of it. The thing about these people is that the game just never gets old and therefore they have no problem just wasting our lives away.
It can not be allowed because time flies too fast. So much better to be free! Stay strong and thank you so much for sharing your story… Zari xo October 2, at 6: My husband of 7 years together He is 50 in February and I just turned He has a son 18 from first marriage.
They divorced has she had a affair and to this day she still is with him. We have a daughter age 9. Now back in january he left me. So he rented a flat with his son.