But, you need to be aware of the three main BPD relationship stages (there's Maybe you have just gotten lucky and met some high functioning ones. If you have ever wondered why Borderlines and Narcissists are drawn to in the early honeymoon stage of the relationship, but are less and less likely a high functioning very sexy Borderline woman from a wealthy family. The symptoms of borderline personality disorder arise from deep psychological distress compounded “A lot of the time they're actually very high-functioning. Help them take steps to become more self-sufficient, not less.
Paradoxically, the overwhelming fear manifests in behaviors that deeply disrupt the relationship and pushes partners away rather than pulls them closer, resulting in a stormy and tumultuous dynamic that typically emerges in the early days of dating.
When they are in relationships they get very intensely involved way too quickly. But then what comes along with it, a couple of weeks later, is: Everything is done with passion, but it goes from being very happy and passionate to very disappointed and rageful. Prior to her diagnosis, her boyfriend, Thomas, used to blame himself for her hot and cold behavior.
Although each person has their own unique experience, these are some common thought patterns people with BPD tend to have: I must be loved by all the important people in my life at all times or else I am worthless. Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I always lose everyone I care about—despite the desperate things I try to do to stop them from leaving me. If someone treats me badly, then I become bad.
When I am alone, I become nobody and nothing. These thoughts may be completely at odds with your own perception of your partner, but it is imperative to understand that for them, they are very real, and can drive them toward extreme and seemingly irrational behavior.
Navigating through this emotional minefield can be difficult and painful for both of you, but knowing that their thoughts and behaviors are the product of intensely powerful perceptional distortions deeply rooted in their mental health disorder, rather than a reflection of your own shortcomings, can bring some comfort. For Thomas, educating himself about BPD helped him move from self-blame to empathy and compassion: There are a lot of nuances, complexities, and lines to be read through with BPD, but mostly I see Borderline Personality Disorder as an illness about pain, fear, and struggling to cope with all of that.
But the common conception is just [that they are] crazy, which is an extraordinarily damaging misconception to those who suffer from it. For relationships to have a chance of succeeding, this is a critical piece: Call for a Free Confidential Assessment. In part, this is spurred by the myth that BPD is untreatable, a false but prevalent belief that can too often remove hope.
How Do You Love Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder?
In reality, with the right treatment, many people with BPD can learn to manage their symptomsand a substantial number achieve remission to the point where they no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for the illness. The symptoms of borderline personality disorder arise from deep psychological distress compounded by a lack of emotional resources to cope with overwhelming emotions.
- How to Cope When a Partner or Spouse Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Sometimes, the roots of that distress are located in early experiences of traumawhich disrupt the ability to form secure attachments and a cohesive sense of self. You may feel as if you are speaking past your loved one, or that your words and acts are not registering in the way you intend.
What You Need to Know When Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
In fact, that is exactly what is happening. In order to have a healthy relationship, you must learn to cope with this disconnect between realities.
Instead, learn how to validate their feelings and acknowledge the realness of their experiences. Validation is a core ingredient to loving someone with borderline personality disorder.
So what exactly does it entail? In a way, they are in the midst of grieving a loss that feels every bit as real to them as if you had indeed rejected them. By allowing them to feel their feelings and bearing witness to their pain without judgment, you are showing them love while avoiding a fruitless conflict.
Acknowledge the full humanity of your loved one, reflect on what they are telling you, and admit mistakes if you make them.
How Do You Love Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder? – Bridges to Recovery
Make Room for Yourself Often, the person with borderline personality disorder can become the central focal point in a relationship and it can feel as if there is little room left for you.
Make sure that you are an active participant in your relationship. Express your own feelings, needs, and thoughts. Share your stories, your struggles, and your joys; after all, while your loved one may struggle with BPD, they also love, value, and want to know you.
An authentic relationship can only happen when both participants contribute to create a meaningful social bond.
BPD and Romantic Relationships: If You Really Loved Me | HealthyPlace
Allow yourself and your loved one the opportunity to do that. Call for a Free Confidential Assessment. Residential Treatment Can Provide Relief Email Us Stop Rescuing In the popular imagination, people with borderline personality disorder can sometimes be perceived as fragile creatures who are unable to care for themselves.
The emotional vulnerability of people with BPD can make it easy to believe that they need rescuing, especially in moments of perceived crisis.
You may jump into the role out of love, out of fear, or both. In turn, your loved one may come to see your rescuing as proof of your love, temporarily quelling their fear of abandonment while growing more and more dependent on you. Meanwhile, you may begin to gain your sense of identity and worth from your role as the rescuer; it can feel good to be needed. This dynamic, while it may seem comforting for a time, is ultimately destructive for both of you, in part because getting your validation, worth, and proof of love from rescuing or being rescued means there must always be something to be rescued from.
In this case, that thing is borderline personality disorder. When the symptomatology of an illness becomes the site at which love is expressed and received, there is little motivation for healing. Resist the urge to rescue to avoid falling into damaging relationship patterns that can hinder recovery, fuel helplessness, and lead to resentment on both sides.